I am thoroughly convinced that humans are the most incredible creatures, but also so unnecessarily complicated. Some of the complicated things we do are trivial - like order a salad when we really want a burger. But, some of the complicated things we do really fucking suck - like hurt the people we love the most for no distinct reason. We have over time, proven to be the most destructive and confusing beings, but we are at the same time the most intelligent and trainable. Although we have the incredibly un-alluring quality of being able to mess up amazing things that are happening to us, we also have the opportunity everyday to rebuild and work on ourselves to minimize these mess ups - this is the exciting part! I've recently been forced to look inward at my own weaknesses due to some mistakes, and I now know that I will be better because of this self-reflection.
Trust me, this "working on ourselves" thing doesn't happen over night, but if you do something every day to contribute to your own work in progress, then you will soon be an unstoppable, amazing, kick-ass chick, or dude. To see my 5 tips on how to do this, read on.
- Make a gratitude list - this is the first step, because even if you have fucked up beyond belief, there are still things in your life to be thankful for. Don't forget what you have just because you are hurt, confused or angry. If this list feels extraordinarily small, start with the basics (a home, food, parents, etc.). Everything counts. Once you remind yourself of these things, then the hard things seem a little easier.
- Allow yourself actual time to work on things - unplug, workout, do yoga, read. Whatever it is, free yourself from distraction so that you can truly think about the problem, challenge or issue at hand. As much as you might think you can, you can't think clearly if you binge watch Netflix or stalk people on Instagram for hours. And if you can't think clearly while doing this, you sure as hell won't change if you do this. Self-reflection can be intimidating - but you must learn to be uncomfortable with the silence of being by yourself if you will be successful in other relationships.
- Make a quantifiable change - this is a really important one. Learning to challenge yourself is something I have recently come to appreciate. It's so easy to challenge others - ask your friends to hang out with you more, tell your boyfriend he doesn't pay attention enough, etc. Challenging others gives us power - and us crazy humans like that. But when it comes down to challenging ourselves to change, we struggle. Become comfortable putting yourself up to a measurable challenge (starting and finishing a workout program, meet a goal, etc.), and you will be able to receive challenges from others with more grace and ease.
- Prioritize - why did we mess up in the first place? Why are we sleeping on our parents couch, why are we sleeping alone, or why have we been eating frozen pizza for three weeks straight? Revisit the problem and figure your shit out! What do you want/need/hope for, etc. Go back to the drawing board and ask yourself the fundamental questions. This is SO necessary to make positive changes. You must work for what matters.
- Believe in yourself - this is a hard one, especially if you blame yourself for the situation you are in. Self-hate, pity, and anger are all really invasive and debilitating emotions. Take the appropriate time you need to waste away in your bed eating Ben & Jerry's and watching Friends re-runs, but then GET YO ASS UP. Nothing will change if you don't take care of yourself. Love yourself enough to want to be the best version of yourself. Do this, and others will love you too.
If we don't take time to reflect, prioritize, and think about our mistakes how do we expect to make any effective changes? Kicking your own ass to get back on track is not easy work, but its necessary work if we want to maintain our relationships, commitments and opportunities.
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JEANS: AG Jeans (Farrah High Rise - SO comfortable and flattering)
SWEATER: Free People
HAT: Urban Outfitters
BOOTIES: White Mountain from Marshalls